Crabs walk sideways and lobsters swim backwards, and somehow both of them still get where they are going faster than you. Crabs & Lobsters gathers the bravest shellfish on the coast, every one of them under I've Got This… Hold My Beer, every one of them holding a drink with a claw that was clearly built for something more dramatic. Half of them are answering emergencies. The other half are the emergency.
The rescue squad
Firefighter Lobster wades out of the surf in full turnout gear, helmet on, axe resting on his shoulder, a mug of beer in the other claw for after the call. Lobster Rescuer comes geared up with a breathing cylinder strapped to his back and the steady stance of someone who runs into things other people run out of. On the medical side, CrabCare Nurse wears a white cap and apron marked with red crosses, a beer in each claw and a first aid kit at her feet, while Medi Crab sits behind a white medical case with a blue cross on it, beer raised, ready to triage your pride.
The beach party
Crab Rave Music is the headliner: a blue crab in headphones and sunglasses working a set of turntables on the sand, a palm tree on the sign behind him and a pint within easy reach. Radio Crab keeps the soundtrack going with an old boombox perched in the splash of a wave. Surfing Lobster rides the curl of a big blue wave on his board, standing tall, beer held out like he always planned to ride it one-clawed. Nobody on this beach needed an invitation.
The overachievers
Crab Fit presses a loaded barbell over his head on the sand, a few beers lined up nearby as the reward. And Crab Commander is pure color, a crab painted in splashes of rainbow watercolor, orange and blue and violet running into each other, holding a mug up like he just won the whole tide pool.
For the one who pinches first and apologizes later
These belong to the firefighters, medics and nurses who work the coastal towns, the beach bums who know every surf report by heart, the lifter who talks about leg day at dinner, and anyone who has cracked a shell at a seafood boil and felt briefly victorious. Picture your person on the dock with a cooler, telling you how fast they could outrun a wave if they really tried, and you will know their crab. Somewhere on the sand the DJ just dropped the beat, the lobster just caught a set, and the medic has already packed an extra ice pack.
Written by Liam. Thanks for reading.
